and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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