I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
