omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
