Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
