So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
