I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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