While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
