I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
