so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize