Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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