dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is Oprah even human
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
