just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
