Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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