I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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