I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
