Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
