I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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