My friends, they love my intelligence
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
