She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
