Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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