Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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