remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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