I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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