everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
