God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
