Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
