Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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