He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
