Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
