Don't you send me to vm
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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