Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
