I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
