I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
