do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
