I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
