she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You're like the curious george of whores
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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