I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
