dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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