i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
