Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
