So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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