Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i think my cat just said my name.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
