I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
