I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
