it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
