none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
