he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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