some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
