recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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