hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
