I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bring me that man meat
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
