1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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