sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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