Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
