Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the condom got lost in my hair
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
