I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
