New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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