Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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