Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
