Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was not drunk enough for that final.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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