I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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