Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
