god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
