what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish my penis had a tongue
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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