Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
