he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
