Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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