I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
