I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
