Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
