You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
