She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
