he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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