So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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